Finding Our Way Back to Patience, Tolerance and Loving Kindness

I was sitting at a traffic light the other day. Apparently, the driver in the car behind me didn’t have a fast enough reaction time, which caused the person behind them to lay on their horn.

At that moment, it made me think about the actual function of the horn on our cars. It's meant to alert another driver—like if they veer into your lane, or if you need to safely get their attention to prevent an accident. Or, perhaps to alert pedestrians. It's not meant for road rage or hurrying the driver ahead.

Honking my horn isn’t my default. Yep. I’m the girl who will sit behind you at a green light, just giving you the benefit of the doubt.

But I’m also the girl who completely forgets the horn exists when you actually do veer into my lane and I need a practical tool to say, "Hey, look at me, I’m here." There’s just something about it that has always felt a little bit aggressive to me. (working on that)

The Culture of Instant Gratification

Even though there are moments when we genuinely need to get the attention of someone who isn’t noticing us, there are also times when we command attention from others. We’ve gotten so used to instant gratification that we get uncomfortable when another human being has clearer boundaries than us.

When people hit that discomfort, they just keep pushing. They:

• Keep honking the horn

• Send excessive text messages

• Fire off extra emails

• Stop you at the door the second you walk in, demanding your time

We don’t have to be abrasive, loud or overly persistent to get attention.

Sometimes, navigating that balance leaves us a little confused about how to get what we want without coming off as annoying. While we shouldn't use outside factors to determine if we are being "too much," we also can’t use our own need for gratification to excuse our behavior.

Let's be honest: I’ll bet you’ve been that distracted driver a time or two. Or you've been so caught up in your own thoughts that a text message completely slipped by.

Redefining Tolerance and Duality

When we learn to approach others with loving-kindness, we begin to see someone else’s needs as the same as ours. Lately, my thoughts and my practice have been all about practicing patience, as well as accepting what we need to tolerate in this human existence.

We don’t have to “build up” a tolerance to something. ( this isn't college dollar beer night 😛)

I see tolerance as simply a practice that leads to a deeper well of understanding that other people share different ideals and beliefs than you. It is not always our responsibility to persuade or change someone else’s ideology. As hard as it may be, diversity is part of who we are as a species. And while we desire a world without pain and suffering, would the joy feel quite as joyful without that duality?

We Are All One Unified Thread

I invite you to stay patient with yourself and others. Recognize where you can cultivate a deeper well of understanding. Get underneath all of the conditions, the rush, and the noise. At the end of the day, we are all one unified thread.

I invite you to take a deep breath right where you are, clear away the distractions, and repeat this simple loving-kindness meditation:

 May I be safe.

 May I be happy.

 May I be healthy.

 May I live a life of ease. 

The next time you find yourself stuck in traffic, waiting on a text reply, or feeling the friction of someone overstepping a boundary, remember to send this meditation to that person.

 May YOU be safe.

 May YOU be happy.

 May YOU be healthy.

 May YOU live a life of ease. 

Lean into that deeper well of tolerance and acceptance.

Remember, the unified thread that connects us all is LOVE.

Keep Seeking Up.

Amy